Happiness is not a delusion. But there’s different kinds of happiness, I feel. The kinda happiness when you’re reading a book you love or listening to music you love is quite different from the kind of happiness you feel when you’re with loved ones. Also, I strongly believe happiness is derived from comfort. You have to feel comfortable with something to be happy about it. But that’s just me. Happiness is happiness whether it is shared or not, but the feeling is probably amplified when you have someone to share it with. Because, I feel happy when I write pages upon pages on my journal, and I am not sharing that feeling with anyone. It is just me and my words. Oh, looks like I am. But, I guess all I am trying to say is that an individual can feel happy even though it is solitary happiness. Because happiness, aside from comfort, should come from within. Right? If that makes any sense. So yeah, happiness is both ways. Whether shared or not. But I also believe that if someone is happy about something, they would like to share it with the world. Perhaps to amplify the feeling. Just as I’ve said above.
Strange, that the topic of today is happiness. I broke down like a little child after uni today. Mondays are not my favourite day and not because of the whole Monday-morning-blues notion, no. Each Monday I feel a little bit of my heart just break a little. And that broken bit sort of turns into self-loath. Pretty damning deep, I know. But, its only because each Monday I have to listen to my lecturer go on and on about stuff I don’t care about, which is a constant reminder that I am studying something I have no interest in whatsoever. And all because I was a stupid 16 year old that couldn’t think for herself. I am sick of it. I am sick of going to uni each day and listening to my lecturer’s ramble on about the business environment and what the heck IT has to do with it. And what breaks my heart even more is my enthusiastic class mates and the constant whisper in my head that says it could have been me. I just want to be as far away as possible from this business related life of mine that is a massive joke with no one to blame but myself. I am not being weak or dramatic, but it is difficult when you have to live and work towards something that just takes all the life and happiness out of you. Sigh. Sorry to bum you guys out. Really.
I felt better when I ate cereal and sipped some cappuccino while I watched an episode of Friends. I read after that, about the crisis’ of various Middle-Eastern countries, about Edward Snowden, about Columbine, Eric Harris’ journal. And, I ordered my amazon voucher so I can order books based on school shootings. I am just really keen to learn about that. Oh, and I noted down some quotes about positivity to help me look forward to things.
I guess happiness, in a way, is also about knowing how to pull yourself together.
I also have a question for you guys, do you think the Columbine shootings could have been prevented? I think no. I’ll explain my answer some other day. Just let me know what you think. Please!
Sending out positive energy,