Overcoming Sadness

dont-fill-head-love-Favim.com-1009405Everyone gets sad at some point in their lives. Be it in between the day, or week, or month, or year, we all feel it. I get sad too, and often, my bouts of sadness last for a week or two, and it is a terrible feeling. My sadness is never uninvited, it is often caused by an extremely bad day which works as a secret key to unlock the locked door in me that has stored the ‘worst days of my life’. And once the contents stored behind this locked door start pouring out, they plague me with negativity, lethargy and sadness. It is almost like a Patronus Charm is casted on me, and instead of the feelings of happiness and clarity, the cloud is filled with a kind of sadness that is almost suffocating. And then, as days pass, the cloud starts to fade and I begin to feel alright again. I begin to feel good. I begin to feel happy. During my sad-days, I tend to close up. I avoid most things, and focus myself on only one thing, or one routine – get out of bed, eat, sit, eat, sit, eat, sit, and then jump back into bed again. Sadness is sickening, but it doesn’t have to win. Here is my personal take on overcoming sadness, which I have practiced for around three years now. And although the forces of sadness still linger inside me, having the ability to battle with this force leaves me hopeful, and with the constant reminder to try a little harder each day.

1. Express how you feel – unapologetically and honestly. – Are you angry or upset about something? Express it – either by writing about, talking about it, drawing about it. Just don’t let that negativity grow inside you, because it will feed on your happiness, and one day you will explode (trust me, I know). I often tend to write about how I am feeling – I used to keep a journal and I would express EVERYTHING – even if it was about the amount of anger I felt at the treatment of women in India. I wrote, I expressed. I also talked about some stuff to my close friends and family, but all the stuff I was hesitant about, I wrote, and wrote recklessly. I spelled out my negativity with poorly constructed sentences and disorganised paragraphs – but I expressed openly.

2. Talk to someone. – You must be wondering what the difference between point one and this one is, well, when I say talk to someone, I mean get professional help. I know seeking counselling or therapy is often frowned upon and is so often considered shameful. But, sweep all that shame that society has constructed aside, and talk to someone that understands the complexities of the human mind. Just keep in mind that in this large picture that is life, what matters more than what society thinks, is how you feel. I was in counselling for about a month, that’s it, one month made a massive difference to my life and I was back on track. Trust me, it is helpful.

3. Evaluate and the re-evaluate. – Right, you’re probably thinking, ‘how the F, or what the F’. Well, think about everything in your life. Think about how far you have come, and how far you still have to go. Think about what you want. Think about what you have to do to get there, and make that your focus. Work towards that. For me, I always ALWAYS wanted to be a Journalist, so when I was in Uni and was having one of those what-the-heck-is-the-point-of-this-life days, I remember sitting in my room and thinking about this dream of being a Journalist. I sat there and thought and thought about how I would get there, and how I would need to take control of my life and just set some focus. I evaluated most of my life decisions, then I re-evaluated them, then I decided to use those experiences to help me build myself up, to build my future. And yes, I do fall sometimes, I do wonder what the point is, but I am trying to stay focused and I am trying. Trying and not giving up. And remember, when terrible things happen, you are going to come out of it SO much stronger. Really.

4. Do not compare your journey to someone else’s. – This, my dear readers, is a recipe for disaster. We are all at different walks in life, and we all walk at a different pace. Remember, this is not a race, you do not have to achieve everything all at once – go one step at a time, go at your speed. And yoellen_degeneres_quote_image_serial_killeru have to remember that people are going to discourage you, they are going to look at you and snicker, because they think you are stupid or foolish. BUT, you have to remember that you know your struggle. You know how far you have come. You know what you are aiming at. This is your journey, you are the driver, and the pace you want to go at is your choice. Me, personally I feel that I haven’t achieved what I intended to, but I am on the way to achieving it, and it keeps me going. And when I find myself comparing my life to others, I just fight off the feeling and remind my self that this is MY journey, I am not THEM, I don’t have the SAME skill or privilege as them, but I have my OWN skill. And most importantly, that this is NOT a race. And that it doesn’t matter how slow we go, as long as we get there in the end.

 5. Remember. – I want you to remember a few things. You are not alone. Your friends love you. Your family loves you. You are important, you are special, you matter, and you can do this. I may or may not know you, but I believe in you. And I want you to believe in yourself enough to understand that you can do this. When I was 16 years old, I had a teacher who said these simple words to me: I believe in you, Meera. That’s it. That was all it took. And in times of utter misery, I remember those words. I remember her encouraging smile and her undying support. And I soldier on. I remember all the people that have told me they love me and how awesome they think I am. And I want you to remember, you are special and you got this. 

6. Self-belief, self-acceptance and self-love. Lastly, please understand that you have to believe you are strong enough to achieve your goals. You have to believe in yourself. You have to love yourself. We live in a world that judges people on their race, religion, sexuality, gender and social status. And you have to accept yourself first, love yourself first, and believe in yourself enough to fight for yourself – to achieve what you want to achieve. Growing up, I always had a sort of identity-crisis, where I didn’t want to identify with who I was and I always wanted to be something/someone else. And until I started to accept myself for who I was, my identity-crisis was eating me up from the inside and I had zero levels of confidence. I am not fully there yet, but I am trying. There are parts of me that I know won’t be accepted – have I made my peace with this? Yes and no, but I am working on it. Another thing, I am a woman, and I hated it before, I hated being the inferior gender. But I accepted myself, I fell in love with being a woman, and now I would never want to be anything but a woman. WE are strong, we are capable and we are simply amazing. And lastly, I am a brown person (Indian descent)…oh and trust me, when I was a kid I wanted to be white. Why? Well, it is such a cool race. Everyone loves white people. No one makes fun of their culture. No one looks down on them. White, white is cool. White is beautiful. White is number one in everything. This feeling stopped only recently. Trust me. Only when I believed that being brown is no less than any other race. (Kinda going off topic here). But my point is, you have to FULLY believe, love and accept yourself so that you can battle our messed up world.

I am not saying I am fully recovered from any feelings of sadness, but I am fighting and the points above are my strongest weapons. Another one of strong weapons are books and t.v. shows, they keep me sane, really. My friends, my family, all my loved ones as well. I guess I dedicate this post to anyone and anything that has helped me become a stronger person.

tumblr_nnzgvrGFVy1tssyz8o1_1280(This once again is more of a personal view on the topic, I am not a professional on mental health, but this is my way of dealing with my mental health when it is close to reaching rock-bottom. If you are feeling seriously sad, please consider getting help. There are many helplines, etc, available all over the country that you live in. Click on this link to find all the crisis centres/helplines. There are tons and tons of people that will be lost without you, please remember that. You are so important. You are so loved. I once read that things will get better and people have to be alive to see it. Think it was an Ellen DeGeneres quote, and I second that, listen to Ellen, everybody.)  

This may be my most emotional post on here, but it is important.

I love you guys, thanks for reading my work.

Meera

Unique ways to Propose

marriage-proposal Wedding proposals have for so been a topic of excitement, each time a couple is newly wed the most common question that arises is that of the proposal. For years, men have done everything they possibly can to make their proposal different from others, but above all, to make it special. We are all well aware of the standard get-down-on-one-knee proposal; almost everyone will mention that in their stories, so what can be done to make a proposal unique?

First thing is first; destroy the idea that only the male gender should propose. If a woman is in love with a man, instead of waiting for him to propose, she should go ahead and do it. And perhaps do it in the way that he would have done it – the stereotypical proposal that occurs during a romantic candlelight dinner. This is unique solely because it is breaking the norms of gender expectations and gender stereotypes. But what else is more unique than this?

In the cinema – If an individual is into the whole movie making and media scene, then what better way is there to propose than by making a movie and airing it in a cinema full of strangers. The movie could be based on all the great times the couple has spent together – from the time they first started dating to now. The uniqueness of this would have everyone talking for days, and depending on its success, the proposal may even become a popular hashtag on social media.

Through social media – On average, we spend 80 percent of our time on the Internet, whether we’re checking the news or simply looking up movie timings, we are overly dependent on the Internet alone. So what better way is there to propose than by making use of the one thing that keeps us all moving? And there are just so many possibilities – a Tweet, a Facebook status, an Instagram post, anything.

Write a love letter – Remember the good old days of writing sheets upon sheets of love letters? Remember the excitement felt in reading those letters? Why not bring that excitement back by proposing through a love letter. To make it unique, the one proposing could go all-traditional by posting the letter in a post-box rather than handing it over to the one being proposed to. This letter could then be used as a lifetime memory of how the couple came to be married.

Treasure Hunt – Treasure hunts are always thrilling. The clues fill us up with so much anticipation that we are eager to see the end result of the treasure hunt. Imagine this excitement when the end result is a proposal. The one proposing could perhaps set up clues related to the couple themselves – proposalinside jokes, all their favourite places, anything. The end-result could then be at the individual with a ring or anything exciting along the lines of that.

At the end, all proposals are special in their own way, but if an individual can add a twist to their proposal then they should go forth with the idea. It will be a great story and a wonderful memory which the couple can take forward into their married life.

Unique Venues to Celebrate your Wedding

3312_1-1In the past, way before destination weddings became the norm; most weddings were celebrated in either religious-worship places or community centers. Ever since the advent of destination weddings, dream weddings are no longer an aspiration. Many couples have had their dream weddings materialize before them, be it by getting married under the scorching heat of Dubai or a beach wedding in the Caribbean, it’s all possible. But should wedding celebrations stop at just that? Surely there are many more places aside from an exotic and luxurious location that a wedding can be celebrated. And, if thought about creatively enough a wedding celebration can leave people talking for years about ‘that one unique wedding destination that was celebrated there’. So, what venues are unique?

 A Skype group chat wedding – Technology has undoubtedly taken over our lives, so why not honour our most favourite necessity. A Skype group-chat wedding is not only unique, it is also cost effective; all that is needed is an electronic device that can operate the application. And with it, people from all over the world can attend the wedding.

A wedding on the plane – Destination weddings are exciting, but imagine having a wedding in many destinations all under a span of six to 12 hours, and with a cost of less than what a destination wedding would cost. And, booking tickets way in advance not only cut the costs, but also ensures that everyone important can attend the wedding. Also, the final destination could be the honeymoon destination.

 An underwater wedding – Believe it or not, underwater weddings are a thing now. The idea of an underwater wedding is similar to that of scuba diving, with the exact same gear and equipment. And although not many people may be able to attend the wedding, the couple has the opportunity to start off their married lives with the beauty of life that resides underwater. And, the location that offers the service of underwater weddings could be the destination of the honeymoon.

 A wedding at home – This may or may not be classified as a unique wedding venue, but what better place is there to get married than the comfort of an individual’s own home. In addition, to make it more special or unique, the couple could celebrate the wedding at their own to-be home. The wedding need not take place insiWayloo_KritikalFlo_KSD_Weddings_bright05_lowde the actual home, maybe in the back-garden or some place within the vicinity of the couple’s residence.

Weddings in themselves are unique, because no two couples are ever the same. Sure, the idea of a wedding is the same, but the celebration is unique from one another in its own special way. The wedding destination can be unique, or it can be normal, all that matters is a successful celebration and a beautiful marriage.

What is the perfect Mother’s Day?

MB_HappyMothersDayother’s Day is celebrated to honour mothers, to show them gratitude for all the love, care and affection that they have shown us over the years. Ordinarily, on Mother’s Day, children get their mothers’ a card and maybe a small present to celebrate the occasion, but often this is it. And it is often thought to be enough for the mothers’, and although it is enough for some mother’s, other mothers’ would like a little bit more than a card or a present. So what is it that mothers’ want? How would they like to celebrate this day?

Varsha Vaya, mother of two explains her ideal Mother’s Day to be one spending it fully with her children where her children make her feel special, “I would like them to wish me happy mothers day with big smile hug and kiss, give me a card made by themselves and flowers too. I would like for them to make me breakfast and make me feel special for the whole day and take me to the Temple as it would make me very happy because we don’t go there much. And if they can’t do that then a big smile with a hug and kiss saying Happy Mother’s Day and we love you so much and that I am the best mother would make my whole day.

Marilyn Thomson, mother of two, expresses her ideal Mother’s Day to be one where she and her children can help those in need, “personally I feel that mother’s day was more special when my kids were younger  and would come home from school with cute little cards they had made at school which had simple little messages in their childlike sometimes illegible hand writing. It would touch my heart to see their faces light up with excitement as they handed me their hard day’s work of making the perfect mother’s day  card for me and would wait impatiently for my approval. Sometimes there would even  be a bunch of wilted flowers picked in the garden. To me those were the most beautiful bunch of flowers  and the most meaningful mother’s day  cards I ever received.  I have kept many of those cards and I treasure them. Now that they are all grown up I would like to spend Mother’s Day  with them visiting an orphanage to feed, play and read to orphan children. Or even doing a day of charity work.”

Hina Ahmed, mother of three, describes a rather unique and ideal Mother’s day, “I would like for my kids to watch all my favourite old movies with me, the ones that I watched when I was their age, so that they can understand how our preferences are so different or similar, and so that they can see how all the movies I watched have made me the person I am today. I believe that makes a difference and we will have something in-common, as I am always watching all the stuff they like and I’m very aware of all the stuff they love or do not love, it helps me understand what they identify themselves with.”

Mother’s Day may be about the cards and the cakes, but a lot of it is moreabout spending quality time with the mother and understanding them as an individual a little bit more. Children should perhaps do all the things for their mother’s on this day that they wouldn’t ordinarily do, for example a trip to the temple or simply cooking for them so that they can take the imagesday-off and rest. And sometimes, a simple phone call or text message would leave a smile on a mother’s face that would last very long.

What exactly is ‘A Mother’s Love’?

Fmothers_day31or hundreds of years, mothers have been the epitome of pure love. Each time we are told a story of a mother’s forgiveness when their child commits the minutest or even the largest mistake, our immediate thought is “well, that’s a mother’s love”. We know plenty of mothers that have been unable to sleep and eat, when their child is unwell because ‘a mother’s love’ refrains them from doing anything but caring for their child. But does it stop at just that? Is ‘a mother’s love’ bound by factors that only include danger and forgiveness? These perhaps lie at the surface of understanding what ‘a mother’s love’ means.

Simply put, ‘a mother’s love’ is a phrase that is used to explain all things that bind the love of a mother together – be it forgiveness, compromise, or sleepless nights. But, like most phrases, each individual has a unique view on what ‘a mother’s love’ means. “A mother’s love is a permanent scent that never dies down”, expresses Tasnia Shahab, a twenty-two year old currently at University. Sandra Thomson, also a twenty-two year old, defined ‘a mother’s love’ as, “a deep-rooted innate affection towards her child, that is unconditional and can withstand the test of time.” “A mother’s love is when she won’t stop nagging you to have breakfast”, describes Harkiraat Gill jokingly. This is what the children had to say, and it can be seen, that ultimately, ‘a mother’s love’, is pure and sacred.

And quite unsurprisingly, a mother’s perspective of the phrase is somewhat similar to that of a child’s. Varsha Vaya, a mother of two explains ‘a mothers love’ as the child always being a child in the eyes of a mother, “no matter how old children get, they will always remain babies in the eyes of a mother, and so a mother will always treat her child with the same carefulness and love as she did when the child was a baby”, she further expresses that a mother’s love is unconditional, “a mother will always love the child, regardless of how the child treats the mother, and the mother will always have something nice to say about their children.”

Aside from the unconditional love and acceptance, ‘a mother’s love’ is also about honesty. Every mother wants their child to have a future that is safe and successful, and so each time the child goes astray, a mother will bring them back on track, be it by lecturing or by scolding. A mother will also teach their children values and morals that will last a lifetime. Ultimately, ‘a mother’s love’ is about doing everything a mother can possibly do to ensure her child goes to bed with a smile on their face.