two.

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Let’s play a game. I’ll tell you one thing I am grateful about, and then you tell me one thing you’re grateful about, till we have five things each. Let’s play a game. I fall for you, you fall for me, then, we tear each other apart. Let’s play a game. I’ll write you another letter, and I’ll hope that you will read it. Somehow. One day. Some day.

Every time I wrote about love, I always used to write about people leaving and breaking me apart. And strangely enough, that’s exactly what happened. We weren’t together for a long period of time, but it was long enough for you to make me fall for you. And for you to fall for me. Me, the storm. Me, the indecisive one. But I promise I was honest. And I promise I liked you. Like you. A lot. I don’t blame you for blocking me off all your social medias, but I would like to know what drove you to that. Was it the love you had for me? Was my mere presence oh so problematic? I would like to know. I would like to  know what you did with the letter I wrote you. I would like to know if you’re finding it as hard to move on as I am. If it is as hard for you to let someone else in. I would like to know if you think of me at all. Even for a moment. I was, after all, your source of happiness. I am sorry I broke your heart. I am sorry I couldn’t be with you. I really liked you. I like you. And as I have written before, love equals destruction, so I destroyed our personal little world. I destroyed what could have been of us.  And I promise you it was because I had to be honest. Because I liked you too much. Because I like you too much. 

I miss you. I am sorry.

Let’s play a game. For just another day, let’s visit the park, the pub and the park again. Let’s play a game. For one more day, take my hand and talk to me about you. Let’s play a game. You let go of the hold you have on me, and I will let go of all your memories.

one.

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No.

You cannot leave.  Not now, when I need you the most. How can you do this? Why would you do this? I need you to stay. You add colour to the greying and dull balcony. You add colour to my life. Without you, the balcony will merely be a meaningless empty space of fresh morose air. Or freshly polluted morose air. You make the pollution seem less deadly. Less dark. For a moment I forget about the bitter reality of our cold and poisonous world. No, you cannot leave. The water will miss the leafy taste of your existence. And the pots, the pots, the pots will lie bare with nothing to shelter. No, no, no. You cannot leave. Not now.

Not yet.

For the one hundredth time, let’s do this!

This happens on a monthly, nay, bi-monthly basis. I write for a while, then abandon my blog entirely, then somehow find the inspiration to write again. This is life, and this is how I roll. I’ve decided to use this blog as an online journal, to just write about anything and everything, and then see where life takes me from there. And let’s see how long this lasts now. So this blog will consist of everything. Pictures, personal posts, and this and that. For real this time…I think.

Shall we talk about updates? Updates are always fun.

I got accepted to study Journalism at City University in London! I am happy, nervous, excited, all at once. I know this is what I have wanted for a very long time, yet I am somehow sat here thinking whether or not I will actually be able to do it. I mean, Journalism is intense, journalists are uber smart. And I am borderline smart…and not that intense. Let’s see though, let’s see.

I am back in Kenya. Nairobi. Home. I don’t really know where home is any more. But that’s a whole other post and a totally different topic. So, yeah, I am in Kenya. And here’s a funny story – I am going for Intermediate English lessons, just for FUN. I am odd like that, and I don’t have much else to do. Besides, what harm is there is re-learning the difference between active and passive sentences? And prepositions? And verbs? If anything, learning is FUN. Right? No? Ok, I’ll keep telling myself that.

What else? What else? What else? I want to get into routine with writing. So I am going to TRY my hardest to push myself and just do it. Whatever it is. Just write. Right? Write, right?

Aha. Okay, I’m done now.

Until next time!