To anyone that is struggling,

If you feel so horrible that you can’t sleep because you’re terrified of tomorrow, take a step back and look at all the other days which terrified you, and you still made it through.

See, you are so brave.

I know the voices in your head are loud. But hear me when I say, that you are loved. You’re not a burden. Your friends and your family care about you.

And no, you are not too much.

Please don’t hurt yourself. Because if you’re like me at all, you’ll want to do it again and again and again.

Instead, try to breathe. Imagine what colours would feel like. And have water. Have lots and lots of water.

Create a playlist of your favourite songs. Remind yourself that there will always be songs to add to that playlist. And you gotta stick around to hear them.

Think of your favourite book or film or TV show, and the comfort in reading them or watching them again and again.

And while you’re at it:

Hold on to the beauty of little things. Like how red and blue and white make purple. Or how you can get pictures taken in the middle of a busy street and have them printed in just five minutes.

Or how you can create anything, and I mean anything from a blank canvas.

And when none of these seem to work, remind yourself of your favourite memories with your best friends and your family. There will be more of those. And you gotta stick around to experience them.

I know your appetite has gone. But try to eat a small amount. One spoon for yourself and for your favourite celebrity maybe? (mine would be Tatiana Maslany).

Call your friends. Tell them you are struggling. Be honest. They will understand. They will help you. They love you.

Speak to a therapist. It’s okay. They will help you.

Have your vitamins and your medicines and your fruits, too.

You are not alone. Look up at the stars. See the trees around you. There’s magic where you stand. The whole universe is with you.

You are loved.

Maya & Rani

“Stay alive for the kids.”

“Isn’t it stay together for the kids?”

“What?”

“That Blink 182 song? It’s stay together for the kids”

“I’m not talking about Blink 182”

“No?”

“Look, Maya, please.”

“Please what?”

“Can you stop diverting the conversation?”

“I’m not diverting the conversation, I’m just telling you the right words to the Blink 182 song.”

“Maya this isn’t about Blink….” Rani rises from the seat and sighs, “look, Maya, I am your friend and I ca-”

“My friend?”

“Maya, please.”

Maya rolls her eyes, lets out a scoff, turning the lighter on and off.

“Maya, look, you know, you know after all that’s happened with you, I can’t be associated with you, I mean look at the news and the cha-”

There is a power cut.

“Fuck this fucking electricity.”

“What, are you scared of the dark now?”

Maya keeps the lighter switched on. She begins humming stay together for the kids.

Rani sighs.

The power is back on. Maya places the lighter in her pocket. She stops humming.

“Look, Maya everything that has gone down, you, your name, everyone knows and I cannot be seen with you, and then there’s this job, and my…my…my…”

“Your fame?”

Rani began to raise her voice at Maya.

“My CAREER, my GOALS, you know how long it took me to get here…you kn-”

“Why are you here?”

“What?”

“Why are you here?”

“Maya I”

Rani’s phone rings. She speaks in a low tone. Maya guesses it’s her grandmother.

Maya starts rolling a joint.

Rani hangs up.

“Well?”

“Maya, look. Please. Here are this week’s consignments, these are the addresses, you will get the mon-”

“I know how it works.”

“I’ll come back to see you.”

“What? When you run out of people to deliver your shit?” She twirls the joint between her fingers. “Also isn’t this the perfect roll? You’ve taught me so well, you know,”

“God damn it, Maya, I’m trying to help you out here.”

Maya lights the joint.

“And can you please stop that?”

*